Ratty Clerk "This is all a huge misunderstanding, I didn't touch the perfume, I swear!" I know this sounds like a poor excuse, but I was just shrunk to the size of an apple and I was talking to someone who might kill me by just by stepping on me , not the most helpful environment for witty banter. "Oh, a liar as well as a thief I see; Excellent, just the type of person I was looking for, you will fit right in." "Fit in where?" I asked. "Don't worry, I will explain later. Now would you be so kind, and not move for a bit, it will make things much easier for the both of us." And with these words, he...or it...or whatever it was removed a small rug from the floor, revealing a small tiny-person sized hole in the floorboards. Well not really a hole, it almost looked like a spiral staircase. "You want me to go down the staircase?" "Oh, don't be silly. That would take ages. No, no, no; I want you to jump." Now I enjoy adventure as much as the next person; maybe a little more, but I somehow wasn't in the mood to jump into an unknown hole in the ground on the request of a weird clerk. I decided to express my emotions on the matter with a nuanced exclamation of shock that went something like this: "Are you out of your bloody mind!?" Needless to say the clerk was obviously impressed by my display of eloquence, but my layered question unfortunately went unanswered. Instead, the clerk grabbed a broom and said: "I see that I will not have your cooperation. Very well then, the hard way it is." And with these words he swept me right into the hole. I was falling for a very long time, and during this time my mind was filling with questions: "Will I fall to my death? Is there an afterlife? Will they let me return as a ghost and haunt people after I die?" Questions of utmost existentialism as you can see; however they too would be left unanswered...rest in comments.
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